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Most couples experience problems in their relationship at some point, but that doesn't make it any easier when it's you and your relationship. Our relationship with our partner is usually a fundamental anchor in our lives - so when that anchor doesn't feel secure, our whole life can be affected. Relationship distress is hugely stressful for everyone involved.
From the very beginning I strive to offer a warm, optimistic and safe environment where you can express your fears, feelings and needs in a way that helps you begin to feel closer to one another, rather than stuck in conflict or mutual withdrawal. The approaches I use in couple's therapy ... The main approach I use in couples therapy - Intimacy from the Inside Out - is a model that combines personal reflective work with interpersonal relational work. IFIO uses intimate relationships as a vehicle for growth and healing of both the individual and the couple. I am also trained in Emotionally Focussed Couple's Therapy (EFT). Both IFIO and EFT recognise how vital our relationships are to our whole sense of well-being, and provide a way to identify the negative relationship cycles you might be stuck in, and offer ways to get out of that cycle and into greater connection with each other. The first step ... I offer a free 30 minute initial session in person or online, where I will ask you to tell me a bit about where your relationship is struggling, but this session is also for you to see if you feel comfortable with me. If we agree to continue, we can decide session times, modes (in person or online) and fees at this point, or you can go away and talk about it, check out other therapists etc. - there's no obligation. Second steps .... At our first full couples session, I'll ask about the history of your relationship, and try to get a clear sense of how each of you feels about it, and what needs to be addressed for things to improve. I usually recommend that this first assessment session is 1.5 hours. Subsequent sessions can be 1 hour or 1.5, depending on need and feasibility. After this first couples session, I will usually ask to see each of you individually for one session - this is to find out a bit more about you as a person and especially about your individual family/attachment history. Moving forward.... The first stage of couples therapy aims to help de-escalate conflict, to identify the negative cycle in your relationship, and to help each of you recognise what is happening within different parts of you in moments of blame and defending, and how these might make sense in the context of earlier experiences. When the relationship feels safer and each of you has a good understanding of the different parts of you that come up in the relationship, we move towards a deeper understanding of what is happening between you, and of the softer emotions, fears and needs under the surface, and how you can start to have different conversations that, however difficult, actually connect you rather than turning into arguments. |
Dr Sue Johnson explains Emotionally Focussed Couples Therapy (EFT)
Excerpt of an Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) couples therapy session
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